


Friend, let me Carry you a bit

by Eshisakka



Series: Talk to me [4]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, IRL Fic, Light Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, This is basically just shameless self-projection i'm sorry, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), fatigue, idk what to tag uh..., slight vent, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28441335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshisakka/pseuds/Eshisakka
Summary: Sometimes being tired is a good enough excuse. And sometimes, to get less tired, you have let other people help you carry the weight. (A fluffy little vent on learning to live your life a little bit better)//This is an irl fic. If any of the creators mentioned want it taken down, I will
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Talk to me [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585891
Comments: 11
Kudos: 335





	Friend, let me Carry you a bit

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back with another oneshot ^^ I feel like lately I've just been getting... progressively more tired each day, when I've already always had problems with fatigue, and it kind of sucks, so I guess this was just an exercise to help get those feelings out and perhaps figure out some stuff. I feel like it helped. Hope it makes y'all feel better, too <3

Tommy had to stream.

He knew. He had it scheduled, a lore stream and all, and he had already missed enough streams lately, as less important as they had been. He couldn’t miss this one. But…

He was just so tired. Only… tired.

God, what a lame excuse.

He didn't have to be this way. He knew half a dozen ways he could make it better and he just… wasn't doing them. It was so stupid. He just had to remember and motivate himself, that's it, and then he would be better. But no, he couldn't just do a few little things for himself. He was so stupid.

He was about to close his eyes and sink into his chair further, discarding his phone, when he saw his discord ping. Gingerly, he checked his dms. He also noted that he had a few mentions in a group server, he’d check those later. They usually weren't important.

**Wilbur** _Today at 19:08_

where are you, Tommy?

**Wilbur** _Today at 19:09_

Techno is live, others are ready, too

**Wilbur** _Today at 19:14_

Tommy?

Tommy blinked. He started typing out a response, taking longer than usual, constantly erasing and retyping and lingering on the words.

**Tommyinnit** _Today at 19:18_

Sorry, Wilbur

 **Wilbur** _Today at 19:18_

?

 **Wilbur** _Today at 19:20_

So are you gonna stream?

Tommy debated his response, head buzzing. It felt too hard to even think clearly. He hated it.

Oh, Wilbur was calling. He noticed 5 minutes have passed. After hesitating for just a dozen seconds longer, he accepted, a feeling of dread pooling around his heart.

Immideately, Wilbur's voice echoed in his ears, and despite the anxiety Tommy felt an immideate comfort. “Tommy? Are you okay, what's happening?”

Tommy couldn't help but let the silence linger, his thoughts a battle between excuses and explanations, but really, weren't those the same? In the end, all he could mutter was a quiet and quick “I'm sorry, I- sorry.”

Wilbur made a questioning noise, and Tommy could picture his worried eyes staring at him. It only made his heart even less steady. “What for? Are you not gonna stream?”

Sighing, Tommy let out the guilty confession. “No…”

There was a brief pause before Wilbur continued “Why not? Are you alright?”

His throat closing, Tommy, after telling it to one person, decided to let Techno know, too, finally. He sent a quick “ _I'm sorry, Techno, I can’t make it tonight. Very sorty"_ , exiting Techno's dms and returning to home screen immideately after, not wanting to face the response. He was so weak. “Y- oh, yeah. I'm fine." He replied to Will, tiredly.

“…Mmm, you don't _sound_ fine. This isn't like you. C'mon, what's going on, why can’t you stream? Did something happen?”

He was starting to feel more and more agitated, angry. At himself. “No, I can stream- technically, I just…” he tried to keep his breathing level, exhaling shakily. He thought Wilbur heard it. That sucked.

Something shuffled on Will’s end, a brief pause before he spoke up. “…Is it mental health reasons? Do you need a break?”

He heard the whining tone in his voice as he replied, fed up and worn out. “No, I don't _need_ a break, I've already _been_ taking breaks!”

“One day of not streaming is not a break, Tommy.”

“No, but I've been taking so many short breaks, missing so many streams every other day!”

“You haven't really missed much-"

“No, listen, I have, so I just… don't _understand_ why I can't just-" he felt his voice start to crack, breaking off before Will could sense it, too. But he was too late.

“…Please just tell me what's wrong, Tommy.”

The softness of the older man's voice forced his eyes to sting, his breath catching. He breathed some more, acutely aware of his heart beating in his chest. He tried not to let his words fail him as he forced them out. “I-it's not even that anything's wrong, like, I’m feeling _fine_ , mentally especially. Like, I haven't… I’m feeling good. Emotionally. I just…” A sigh escaped, unsteady. It was not enough to express how dissapointed in himself he felt. “I'm just so. Tired…”

Will was quiet on the other end. Tommy felt his hands shake.

“Which is, such a stupid reason, I know, and-"

“Tired in what way, exactly? Also, stop that. It's not stupid. Your well being’s more important than the smp, or any content, we can just move the dates, you know.”

Tommy sighed once more, trying to gather his thoughts into a sufficient enough explanation. He licked his dry lips. His throat felt sore. Should he get water? “I… like, ph- physically… and, thing is- here's the dumb thing, Will.” He ignored the noise of complaint that got. “Like- I _know why_. I _know_ why I’m tired! I know how to make it better! So really, I’m just being a dumbass, a lazy dumbass, Will, cause I- I ca- won't even do those things, and it's so _stupid_.” He groaned, whining out a quiet “ _I'm such a child…_ ” as he rubbed his eyes, his phone laying in his lap.

“I- okay. First off.” Tommy tensed at his tone. “You are _not_ stupid, or lazy. Get that stuff out of your head, Tommy.” Both the angry edge to his voice and the words themselves made him defensive, wanting to argue back, but the knot in his throat and the voice telling him Willbur was trying to help him held him back. “Now-" Wilbur took a breath.. His following words were spoken softer, almost neutral in their tone. “What exactly do you need to get better.”

“I…” Tommy blinked. His head felt like spinning, a little bit. “I guess… b-better sleep…? Schedule? And also uh, eating more, and more healthily, and going outside more, and, remembering to drink, and…” he gulped. “Not forgetting my… meds. Cause I have, uh… yeah.”

Wilbur took a moment, then sighed. “Those are basic things, Tommy.”

His eyes stung again. His chest felt too tight. He knew he was stupid. “I-I know. I'm sorry-"

“No, no, that's not what I meant. I just mean… Like, you just need to take better care of yourself, right…?”

Tommy snapped the rubber band he had on his wrist, trying to steady his voice. “Yeah.”

“Then- and I don't mean this in a judgy way. Tommy, listen to me. I am _not_ judging you. I guess I just… like, what I'm wondering is: why didn’t you ask for help sooner…?”

Tommy paused.

“Like… you say that you're fine, emotionally, but… those aren't the best habits, you know? And I know how physical health can tie into mental health, and vice versa.”

“But…” his tongue felt numb. “I'm fine.”

“Are you?” He could hear Wilbur take a breath on the other end. His thoughts whirred. “I mean, when you've been in a headspace for a long time, you get used to it, and-"

“No, but I've- l-like, I'm feeling… better. I've had so much worse. I know that I’m fine.”

Wilbur took a bit to process. He spoke his next words carefully, it seemed. “Alright. Alright, you're fine. But still… change can take a long time. Maybe… maybe some bad habits still remain, you know. And that is not you being lazy, Tommy. It just means that, you've not quite, you know, learned to balance it all, you know? You still haven’t figured it all out. And that's fine! You are still so young, I- noone expects you to have, and honestly, I don't think anyone ever truly does. Taking care of yourself is a… very tricky thing.” He let out a small laugh at that. It kind of sounded like a shaky exhale. “So, what I’m saying is, you just… gotta learn that stuff, you know? Even if you thought you had it all down before.”

Tommy's vision was blurry. “Y-yeah… yeah, I-I know. You're right.” His voice was kind of choked up. For once, he didn't mind it too much, his mind still occupied with Wilbur's assurances.

“And you don't have to do it alone. It's _really_ hard to do it alone. So I'm- you… Thank you, Tommy, for telling me. We can figure it out, okay? We… I will help you. And if you ask others for help, I’m sure they will help you, too... You won't have to do this alone.”

The gentleness of Wilbur’s voice, the sweet words, the affection and promises behind it all, made Tommy raise his hands to his eyes, forced to breathe more through his mouth than his nose, pulling new air into his lungs to calm the hiccuping. He distantly knew that Wilbur could hear the small sounds he was unable to quiet, but the man made no comments on them, beyond a small “It's okay”, and Tommy was left in a comforting silence, slowly regaining his composure and figuring out what to say in return. What could he even say?

“… _Thank you_...”

Tommy wanted to say more. He wanted to assure Wilbur that he didn't have to help, if it was a bother, to try to remind him that he was just being ridiculous, to tell him he could do it alone, that it had just been a bad day, that it wasn't even that bad, that he could forget all of this, to apologise, to leave the call with an assurance that he'd take his words to heart and with a goodbye.

But… he was tired. And Wilbur said so many sweet things. And it all sounded too nice to reject. He wanted to have hope.

And so, he stayed in the call a bit longer. And he explained what his meds were for. And he admitted he forgot to shower sometimes. And they worked out a proper schedule. And he set up some reminders. And Wilbur promised to check up on him. And Tommy promised to reach out if he needed help. And when they finally ended call, before Tommy got up to get actually ready for bed, one last message was sent in discord.

 **Wilbur** _Today at 20:49_

You got this. Ily <3

 **Tommyinnit** _Today at 20:50_

<3

And in the following days he reached out to Tubbo, who was enthusiastic in his offer to talk to him on phone when Tommy, or both of them together, went outside. It was a silly idea, but it did make the prospect of physical activity less daunting. Sometime later, Tubbo even recommended him some exercises, which Tommy whined about a lot, but eventually resulted in a pretty chaotic video call that left his sides hurting from more than just doing stretches. He was less inactive after that.

And Phil messaged him, and he explained the situation, and then the elder made a habit of messaging him reminders, and they helped, cause the automatic reminders he had set up were easy to ignore at first. And he even sent him recipes he liked occasionally, and though Tommy called him a boomer, he could not completely hide his smile over call as Phil helped him make one.

And he told Techno, and he assured him that he his absence hadn't been a bother and that he could take a break from the smp for a little while longer if needed (even if he did slip in some teases about how he would ‘finally be able to prevent you from overtaking me, thank god'), and he stressed the importance of meds, and Tommy yelled at Techno about how often he forgot to take meds, too, and then Tommy would send him reminders for that, and the other would do the same.

And he told his parents, and they hugged him, and he was given some sleep pills to help him right his sleep schedule, and he started talking to Niki more, and Fundy one time coded a program to send him the exact same meme of ‘uh oh, stinky' as a strange reminder of personal hygiene every evening. And as weeks went on, and as interactions he was grateful for grew in numbers, he came out his shell a bit more, and his body started feeling stronger, and his head stopped hurting most nights, and his room was cleaner, and he put his work off less, and over time, the agitation and exhaustion in his bones lessened. Some days, some nights, were still bad, and some times he didn’t reach out, but other times he did, and gradually the good days outnumbered the bad.

He was getting better.

Tommy fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are very, very appreciated <3


End file.
